After partying wildly all weekend … OK, OK going out to dinner with mom and the MIL … L is back in the mountains celebrating her real birthday (mainly attending the ministry meeting at the prison) and I am back at work. After all, any excitement at this advanced age is hazardous to our health. {*grin*}

Given the reactions to my old joke, you all should be happy that I haven’t yet indulged in my penchant for really long and involved shaggy dog jokes. I especially like those that take at least a few minutes in setup and end in a bad pun or other word play. After all, a chorus of groans is so much more rewarding that a few laughs here and there. Especially if it is a multiple part shaggy dog with multiple groans. With that in mind, I hereby relent and present one of my favorite shaggy dogs from the 80’s.

A church in the outlands of the old country lost their long term bell ringer. The deacons advertised far and wide to find a replacement, but no one wanted the laborious and unpaid position. Just as the priest was about to abandon all hope of finding a new bell ringer, he answered a knock at the door and saw an armless man standing there.

“I’m here about the bell ringer job,” the man said.

“But,” replied the priest, “How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?”

“Just watch me!” the man said.

The priest and the armless man climbed the staircase up to the bell tower. The armless man ran at the bell and rammed the bell with his forehead, causing the bell to move slightly. The armless man backed up and timing his run carefully, once again ran at the bell and rammed it with his head. The bell swung even further. After several more carefully timed running rams, the bell swung far enough and pealed mightily, releasing a beautiful sound from the bell.

“The job is yours,” said the astonished priest.

“That is fine,” said the armless man, “but I must insist on remaining nameless since I have enemies.”

“Well, … I guess that will be OK.” said the priest.

Every hour from sunup to sundown, the armless man climbed the staircase in the bell tower and ran repeatedly at the bell until the bell rang. After weeks of on-time beautiful bell ringing, the village returned to normal life. One day, the armless man miss-timed his final run at the bell and missed it entirely. Out of the tower he flew to crash onto the cobblestones below. A crowd quickly gathered and looked accusingly at the priest standing over the body.

Someone yelled, “Does anyone know this man?”

The priest sadly answered, “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell.”

…

After a period of several weeks morning, the deacons once again began the process of looking for a bell ringer. Shortly thereafter the priest was awakened from his evening nap by a dull thud at his door. When he opened the door, he saw no one until he looked down and spotted an armless and legless man on the step.

“I am here about the bell ringer position that was held by my armless brother. I was far across country when news reached me and I have been travelling since. Family honor demands that I assume the position held by my late brother.” said the armless and legless man.

“But,” replied the priest, “How are you going to ring the bell with no arms and no legs?”

“If I can ring the bell, do I have the job?” the man said.

“Yes, but you must first show me that you can ring the bell.”, replied the priest.

The priest and the armless, legless man climbed the staircase up to the bell platform. The journey was painful and arduous for the armless and legless man. He was near exhaustion when they reached the bell platform, but persisted in his mission.The man slithered his way across the platform at the bell and slammed the bell with his forehead, causing the bell to move slightly. The man backed up and once again slithered at the bell and slammed it with his head. The bell swung even further. After several more carefully timed slithering slams, the bell swung far enough and pealed mightily, releasing a beautiful sound from the bell.

“The job is yours,” said the astonished priest.

“That is fine,” said the armless man, “but I must insist on remaining nameless since I, like my brother, have enemies.”

“Well, … I guess that will be OK.” said the priest.

Time passed and the armless, legless man rang the bell day after day. He was always on time and reliable and the villagers were overjoyed to once more hear their bell peal out across the land.

One fateful day, the armless and legless man was ill with a cold. When he slammed his face into the bell, it left him disoriented and dizzy. After several more passes at the bell, he was completely lost and slithered off the bell platform and on to the cobblestones below. A crowd quickly gathered and looked accusingly at the priest standing over the misshapen lump that had been the man.

Someone yelled, “Does anyone know who this man is?”

“I don’t know his name,” sighed the distraught priest, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”