All posts by djones

limerick, writer's challenge

The L in Limerick

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Once more into the breach dear friends! It’s time once more for Mama Kat’s writing challenge.

The Prompts:

1.) Write a limerick.

2.) Normal is…

3.) Describe a memorable camping experience.

4.) What’s the best thing that has happened this week?

5.) Did you have a childhood hideout? Where? Describe it.

6.) Words that hurt me.

So there is little choice for a dirty old man like me but to supply these limericks three!

Limerick 1

Danny the spammer sat on his fanny

Spending his money paying Manny

   But plan out a scam

   You know that he can

Leading to nothing but net tyranny

Limerick 2

There was an old man with a flute

Who played a really mean jazz lute

  When both came together

  He was light as a feather

But all of the time he had a hoot

Limerick 3

Lovely Linda played often with her cam

Leading her to attempt a dark scam

  But then the exposure

  Led to her closure

Putting a definite end to her sham

Off to get ready for the morrow. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t. (Unless you send photos!) 

council, donor

Yet Another Tuesday

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Today was much closer to an acceptable day for me. The forecast winds did not appear even though the warmth did. (Never trust the weather people!) So Molly and I got a chance to get out in the sun and walk in the park. Hooray!

Tonight’s city council meeting ran long, mainly because we had so many things to go through in our special session and also a rather lengthy executive session for court and real estate matters. One of the fun things coming up and discussed is the 125th anniversary of the founding of the city. The question is whether to celebrate the 125th, and if so, how and when. The actual founding was December 13, 1884. So do you put it off until December, piggy back it on the 4th of July celebration and Heritage Festival, or choose another date? One of the council members pointed out that the 100th anniversary celebration was held in October to correspond with the harvest festivals. Any great ideas?

There was a funny moment after the meeting as our newest council member asked if we had ever heard of B. The veterans were all just about rolling on the floor because B is infamously notorious, both to the city council and city staff. B is so hard to deal with and so irrational at times that speaking to B is considered a rite of passage. Every council member has had the pleasure of speaking to B at least several times and it is an experience they never forget. So when the new council member asked with the bewildered look of confusion if we had ever heard of someone named B, we were ready to hear the story. Once she told her contact story and had heard a few of our B stories, you could see the light come on as she realized that she was not alone.

I suspect every the every entity that deals with the public, whether it be government, retail, service sector, or any other has their version of B. Most retail and service industries have the luxury of firing the customer – just flat out admitting that it costs more in aggravation, time, and morale to deal with that customer than it is worth to the business. Unfortunately, governments don’t quite have the same freedom. So although B has been fired from some municipal services, there are others we are obligated by charter to provide. So each new generation gets to deal with the Bs of the world.

The newest council member wanted to know why we couldn’t have prepared a list of “beware of these numbers/people” for new council members to save her from the hours long barrage of her first contact with B. The answer I gave is straight forward: each council member must deal with all the people they represent, including B, in an unbiased and fair manner. And after all, there is always the hope that someday one of them will hit on the magical key to dealing with the constituent like B in a calm and rational manner. And in a paraphrase, just because you’re outrageous doesn’t mean you don’t have a valid point. So we’ll be forced to keep sacrificing virginal council members on the altar of first contact with the Bs of the world as long as we have representative government.

Time to get to bed so I can mosey down to the radio station in the morning. Our town’s benefactor (from here) has been at it again and made another $250,000 donation to help keep recreation fees down and additional park facilities. The director of Parks, Libraries, and Recreation will join me to acknowledge the gift. Like I said before, having great civic donors like he and his wife makes my job a lot easier. So thank you Frank and Gloria!

politics, talk

The S in Sucker

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Ever had one of those days that puts the s in sucker? Today was one of those days for me.

It was beautiful outside, 72 degrees and calm. (And still no real winter here.) The forecast for the next few days is warm but extremely windy. So today was the day to be outside and catching some early spring rays. Unfortunately, it just didn’t work out that way. Everybody in creation wanted to talk to me today. My first call came in at 8am and the last after 8pm. Everything from meetings to planning to important to bitching to just wanting to blither on. So Molly and I did not get to enjoy the warmth and sun together. (Molly at least got a nice nap laying in the backyard in the sun – I really wanted to join her.) At least it was a good celebration of Dr. Seuss’ birthday.

I’ve always wondered in the back of my mind if political office isn’t something more compatible with the female temperament than the male one (in a politically incorrect generaliztion). It seems that it can eat me alive when I am pelted with problem after problem and there isn’t a thing I can do about them. Somehow the talk and talk until we all feel better method so popular amidst the women of my acquaintance just doesn’t work for guys like me. When guys hear a problem, we want to fix it deep down in our guts. Many times the person with the problem doesn’t actually want us to fix the problem or realizes that we can not fix it. They just want someone to listen and say “yes” and “I see” at the appropriate places. That can be very hard to do in a marriage and is even harder in politics. It is hard to shed that inner turmoil demanding that you fix the problem and then just let it go.

Sometimes you just want to scream and then put your head in the sand. That doesn’t seem like it would help much, but it certainly sounds attractive on a day like today. Oh well, hopefully tomorrow will be better.



authors, Molly

Help, I’m in trouble with my dog

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It’s official. Molly is sure I have a spare mistress hidden in my office and is upset about it.

This afternoon, I’m attempting to listen to the podcast of “Herding Vegetable Sheep” by Ekaterina Sedia as read by Kate Baker from the Clarkesworld site. Molly keeps running into the office barking and looking about. Ms Baker has one of those husky voices that sounds sexy even when emanating boredom while reading the phonebook and that triggered Molly’s jealous streak. Every time I turned up the audio, Molly came sprinting into my office, barking and searching.

When Molly couldn’t find the lady so obviously speaking, she turned to me and gave me the look. You know, the one that says “this voice isn’t L and yet it sounds like a young lady, so where is she? Huh? HUH? What are you hiding from me? Come on, I know you’ve hidden her somewhere.” How do you respond to a look like this?

I have to admit it was an effective look. I immediately felt guilty for listening to the reading. But then it hit me that I had nothing to feel guilty about, so why was I letting the dog make me feel that way. (It might be those big brown eyes. I don’t know.) In the end, I outfoxed Molly by reading the printed version of the story. (So there!) After all, what Molly can’t hear won’t hurt her.

It’s now an hour or more later and Molly is still sitting here in my office looking at me very intently as if to say, “I know you hid that lady somewhere and I’m not leaving until she comes out.” Wonder if she’ll give it up when I go to make supper? It’s a real shame when your dog thinks you’re holding out on her.

Anyway, for those of you that enjoy Sci-Fi and non-fiction about the field of science fiction, I highly recommend the Clarkesworld site. The ezine they publish has some very good short stories and audio readings. Given the collapsing market in short stories as the more traditional mags fold up shop, this is becoming one of the premiere places to see new authors cut their teeth. The addition to the mix of an occasional story by masters like Mike Resnick and Robert Reed adds just the right spice.

Since I seem to be a bit book and author tracked at the moment, I’d also like to recommend the Robert Burton Robinson site. He has four of his Greg Tenorly series novels available for download and they are a very pleasant read; a combination of mystery, detective, and romance. He also has a couple of his other novels and a chapter serialization of his newest novel available on-line.

Back to work. I still have to figure out how to convince Molly that there is no new mistress so we can return to normal.

joke, spoof

It Had to Happen

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You just knew it had to happen someday, but I find it sad that it has apparently already happened:

(Routers) Today the OED Prepublication Committee announced that the word “said” is now considered outmoded and archaic. It will be replaced in primary usage by the word “like” in its past and indefinite form of “was like”. Some examples from the usage section of the definitional change sections:

ARCHAIC:

Jim said, “What day is it?”

Jill said, “When are we going to the mall?”


MODERN:

Jim was like, “What day is it?”

Jill was like, “When are we going to the mall?”

I am disconcerted by this change as I had become used to said in all its forms. It was bad enough living in LA during the peak of the Valley Girl phase, but now to have it be considered proper usage is sad.

I’ve got to go be depressed. Carry on.

For those who are a bit slow on the uptake, this is just me getting in practice for the upcoming April 1 event.
Yes, I’m joking about “said”.