{"id":400,"date":"2009-04-10T00:08:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-10T00:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/?p=400"},"modified":"2009-04-10T00:08:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-10T00:08:00","slug":"five-things-i-have-never-done","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/?p=400","title":{"rendered":"Five Things I Have Never Done …"},"content":{"rendered":"

Without further ado I give you:<\/p>\n

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Five Things I Have Never Done That I Will Probably Never Do In The Future
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(How’s that for the title that ate Philadelphia?)<\/i><\/div>\n
New and Improved – With Pictures!!!<\/i><\/div>\n

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I have never starred in a porno movie. As a teenage male this was number one on my hit parade of fantasies. Somehow, it just never happened. Now, all these years later, I look askance at the whole idea. {*grin*}<\/i> I did once have a porno starlet smile at me at a party, but I think that was just because she was under the influence of drugs and alcohol and was smiling at everything, including the potted plant she later became intimately acquainted with. Oh well.<\/p>\n

<\/a> I have never been arrested sans clothing outside a bar. In fact, I have never been arrested, period. (As regular readers know, that is my standard tweak to the local press as to how I will let them know I am tired of being mayor. {*grin*})<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/a> I have never yodeled the Gettysburg Address in the Swiss Alps. Heck, I’ve never even yodeled in the shower.<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0 <\/p>\n

<\/a> I have never ridden a pig bareback. For that matter, I have never ridden a pig with a saddle or tack. Going out on a limb, I doubt I will be riding a horse anytime in the future either (especially given it has been 40+ years since the last horse ride on my part)<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/a> I have never taken a art class featuring “anatomical studies”. I did have a Nobel prize winning professor who used to go to topless bars to draw on his lunch hour. As he put it – “No one will ever admit to having seen me here and I can draw without interruption.There’s no other place near campus where that is a true statement.”<\/p>\n

So that’s my five for this week – what are your five?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Without further ado I give you: Five Things I Have Never Done That I Will Probably Never Do In The Future (How’s that for the title that ate Philadelphia?) New and Improved – With Pictures!!! I have never starred in a porno movie. As a teenage male this was number one on my hit parade … Continue reading Five Things I Have Never Done …<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[226],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=400"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/400\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dljones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}