All posts by djones

mama kat, wedding, writer's challenge

My (Humorous) Wedding Story

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This week’s Writer’s Challenge from Mama Kat tickled my fancy with the topic:

2.) Tell me your most humorous wedding experience
(inspired by Bree from Breezy Butterfly Creations)

Some background is in order before we get to the gist of the tale. Now would be a good time to put your Coke down if you are prone to snorting all over the keyboard!

L and I got married here in Colorado in the midst of going from New Hampshire (undergrad) to California (graduate school). L had arrived in Colorado well ahead of me to attend to such minor details as the wedding arrangements and her ring and all the showers and … You get the idea. She was undergoing a whirl of showers and preparation and worry. Pretty stressed to say the least.

In the mean time I was journeying from New Hampshire with a friend from college with all our earthly goods in a U-Haul behind his old clunker of a car. To make the trip more exciting, we decided to visit the Smokey mountains on our way to Texas to drop his stuff off at his home. Now let me remind you that this was 34+ years ago and there was no such thing as a cell phone, for which I am eternally grateful. Otherwise I am sure I would have been on the phone to L hundreds of times a day. {*grin*}

Nelson, the friend I was traveling with, and I finally hit Colorado a couple of days before the wedding. He and some other friends from college were staying in the upstairs of mom and dad’s house. Since we had a day free before the wedding, we all piled into Nelson’s car and headed for Rocky Mountain National Park for the day since they had never been there. Of course L was stuck back down in the flatlands doing wedding type things. (Do you detect a pattern here?)

The day of the wedding, mom and dad’s house was a total zoo. Mom was the cake decorator for the wedding, so we had wedding cake everywhere on every flat surface to be found. In addition, mom and dad’s house only had one bathroom, so mom, dad, my brother, myself, and all my friends sleeping upstairs in the attic we sharing the one bathroom as we got ready. Then to top it all off, mom discovered that some of the wedding mints had gone bad. So there we are all sitting around the kitchen table molding mints like mad as we got ready for the wedding. Your only exit from the mint making line was when your turn in the bathroom was called. It may sound a bit insane, but some of my friends thought that the panic drill of sitting around the table stuffing and pressing the molds to create new mints, switching positions as the bathroom cycled, talking and laughing, half dressed for the wedding, was one of the high points of the wedding.

When I finally arrived at the church and joined up with my groomsmen, we were shuttled off to one of the warren of little rooms in the upstairs of the church. So we got to sit there and talk and wonder what was going on and when they would come to get us to get the show on the road. Unfortunately the young lady that put us in the room forgot to tell anyone else where she put us and as the time for the wedding to begin came and went, we were still sitting serenely and visiting without a clue. At long last, my future FIL happened to open the door and spot us. I think he was both relieved to have found us and disappointed – his money was on the groom (me!) having cold feet and departing post-haste.

The wedding itself went off without a hitch. Well except for the fact that I was reading the ceremony from the reverend’s book upside down as he did the service and just about got lost when he skipped a bit. It is amazing how moved and shaken one is when those vows are finally said in front of all.

After the wedding, we had a reception in the church dining area. That was where the cake and mints and the food and basically a lot of visiting was going on. L and I were the oldest grandkids on both sides and were blessed to have our our grandparents in attendance. Thus there were a lot of pictures and people to be talked to at the wedding and reception. Our wedding was not small, it seemed like thousands but was probably more like 250-300 people. Once the cake was cut and the first wave of hunger assuaged, it was time for the party to get going. This was an early afternoon reception at the church with dinner that night over at MIL and FIL’s.

At this point you have to know that L’s maid of honor (her lifelong friend) and my best man (a friend of mine and L) are both all out jokesters. In addition, I have a huge crew of uncles that all love to give one and all a ribbing just to see them squirm. In fact it was after I first took L to a Christmas scrum at my grandpa and grandma’s house and she was able to handle being around the uncles without killing me that I knew i had a real keeper.

The aforementioned crew of jokesters and fun loving rowdies then decided it would be a great idea to chivaree the bride. So the groomsmen and maid of honor, my brother, my uncles, and any other guilty looking souls they could corral kidnapped the bride. They didn’t inform my new MIL and FIL of what they were doing either. So there I was surrounded by all the females at the wedding (and in on the whole affair) in an apparent flirt fest and no sign of their daughter who had just gotten married to me.

The rowdy crew took L to the local cemetery and tied her to a headstone. Then they just left. After they had left her there for a while, they came back and took her to the lowest and cheapest cowboy bar in town. So L got to drink and dance with all the toothless old cowboys in the place. And of course all of these impressive events were captured on film for later enjoyment. While that was going on, I was beginning to get the 3rd degree from my FIL, since he was convinced I knew what the heck had happened to his daughter. Boy was I happy to see the crew return with L in tow.

That evening we had a picnic type affair at MIL and FIL’s house. I remember the line going out and around the house and down the block. It was a great good time for all. It was also funny because as I was standing in line with a friend I had first met in college in New Hampshire, he turned to me and said “I’ve been in this house before! It used to belong to the XXX family didn’t it?” Sure enough it had – turned out that he used to get sent out to the wilds to stay with the XXX’s in the summers. Talk about a small world.

L and I were staying in town for a few days before heading off to California, so we were at mom and dad’s in the sewing room (it had been the room shared by my brother and I until we shuffled up to the larger space in the attic). But all those friends there for the wedding were staying in the attic now. The only way from the attic into the rest of the house was (you guessed it) through the sewing room. In addition, remember that mom and dad’s house only had one bathroom and the only way to get there from the attic was through the sewing room where L and I were ensconced. We heard nary a peep from the captive guests in the attic all night – of course that may be because we were busy doing other things. {*grin*} In any case, L and I had to be up moderately early in the morning and elsewhere, so we got up and left, not even thinking that we should have perhaps shouted up the stairs that the coast was clear to the bathroom. You wouldn’t believe the razzing I have gotten about that from the attic captives over the years.

The upshot of all this is that L and I have a litterally priceless wedding album. Any time friends drop by, all we have to do is bring it out and everyone relives one of the best times ever. And because of the chivaree and cowboy bar and the attic and the mints and … Everyone has their own unique memory from the event. And those that weren’t there can’t believe they missed such an outrageous good time. Don’t you wish you had been there?

prison culinary lunch

Le Menu

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Today was the lunch at the prison for the culinary arts program. Alma, Barb and I (Alma is the director of the inmate college program, Barb is the professor of the speech class that I guest spoke to) were seated at a small table to one side of the cafeteria area. We got the full treatment – a table cloth and plastic flowers and even individual plastic silverware. That is like being at the Ritz compared to the normal conditions for the inmates.

All of the culinary class group got involved; one inmate served as our waiter, the inmate that invited us as chef, etc. Like any fine establishment, once we had our drinks (water), the chef came out from the kitchen to introduce himself and see if we had any special requests. It was clear that this coming out and greeting “customers” was still a bit of a surprising experience for the chef.

The culinary menu for the day featured an international theme, so we could choose from the French, Moroccan, Italian, or Greek themed meals. We chose French with a sampler of the Italian. It was a hard choice to make since they all sounded so good.

We began with an appetizer of Lobster Bisque which was really tasty. Of course it was made to sound a lot less tasty on the menu because of the state mandated list of ingredients. Somehow lobster bisque seems tastier than lobster meat, green onions, vegetable oil, flour, milk, half and half, white pepper, and salt sounds.

Then came the main course – Sole Amandine with potato puffs, asparagus, lemon, and drawn butter. The almond crusting on the sole was fantastic and the potato puffs were so light that I had to verify that they were really made of potatoes. None of the potatoes I cook ever turn out that tasty and light!

We had a great time and enjoyed good conversation as we ate. All of us thought the food was very good, although a lot richer than our normal lunchtime choices. As we finished, the members of the program serving as waiters took away the dishes and then brought out our desert: Crème Brûlée. Talk about ending a meal with over-the-top richness. Of course, the state mandated description was a bit less appetizing: whipped cream, sugar, egg yolk, vanilla bean, brown sugar.

After the meal, we were allowed to tour the kitchen and congratulate the chef. That in and of itself is interesting because the kitchen is also the production kitchen for the prison. So the culinary arts program people also serve as the cooks for the prison operation. As they are learning fine cuisine, they are also learning everything from short order cooking to running a large eating establishment. Inmates go through being in charge of ordering, inventory, menus, preparation, catering, etc in the course of the program. Given that the prison has close to 3000 inmates and staff eating 3 meals every day, the program participants get a thorough grounding in running an eatery. In addition, the program does a lot of catering and custom baking for community non-profit groups to help pay for the overhead of running the program.

One of the more amazing differences between the prison kitchen and a normal restaurant kitchen is the fact that a couple of walls are filled with hooks and painted outlines of every utensil. Each silhouette has a number painted in it and the corresponding number etched in the utensils. That is so that every piece of metal and plastic can be accounted for before one shift of inmates leaves the kitchen and another comes in. Same kind of controls only stricter go for knives and … The end result is an absolutely spotless kitchen with no drawers anywhere. It seems to work well to prevent the raw materials for shivs to “walk” out into the cell blocks. The same concern is why all the silverware is plastic. (And even then the plastic silverware is accounted for in the inmate serving areas.)

After we congratulated the chef, it was time to begin the journey back out to the front gate. It involves going through two different security areas and exercise yards and enjoying a stroll under some of the gun towers. Given it was time for several of the cell blocks to come out and enjoy some sun, we were basically walking through a sea of inmates. It is always amusing to watch that interaction. The inmates all know that coming too near someone wearing a red badge like ours is grounds for immediate strip search and confinement. It makes one feel like a leper must have felt in the old days. It is also interesting because inmates in the blue pants are currently demerit free (i.e. no recent “misbehavior”), whereas the ones in orange are currently under restriction for recent problems. Alma would point out this inmate or that one in orange and sadly say that they would not be able to continue in the college program next term – they must be demerit free to even be considered for attendance each term.

(I need to remember to write a thank you note – to Alma – since any contact directly with an inmate by sending a thank you is a violation of the program guidelines. Then Alma will convey the thanks to the inmates involved.)

At long last we reached the gate, turned in our badges, had our arms scanned to verify we had the appropriate ultraviolet stamps proving us to be visitors, then exited through the metal scanners. Got a chance to say hello to one of the associate wardens, one of the chaplains, and several of the guards that I recognized as well.

So what did you do for lunch today?

P.S. For the curious, here are the four menu themes:

French
Lobster Bisque
Sole Amandine with Potato Puffs and Asparagus
Crème Brûlée
Moroccan
Batin Jaan Zalad
B’Stella Cornish Game Hens on a Bed of Spicy Couscous with Roasted Root Vegetable
Coconut Cake
Italian
Tomato and Mozzarella Salad with Raspberry Vinaigrette
Shrimp Marcella
Two Way garlic Bread with Basil Pesto
Cannoli Cake with White Chocolate Butterflies
Greek
Cilantro Beef Soup
Greek Plate (Rice with Pistachio and Almond; Served with Beef Tips and Vegetables)
Dolmadakia with Tzatzikia Sauce
Baklava
moody monday

Moody Monday

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The weather here was weird today. Yesterday it was mid-60s and sunny, today it struggled to make 45 and appear anything but overcast, tomorrow it is supposed to be back to the mid-60s and sunny. What more could a person desire? That old aphorism that “if you don’t like the weather in Colorado now, wait five minutes and see if you like that” is well illustrated this time of the year. It gave the day a definite palor of moodiness.

I had other things to get done this afternoon, but instead got hooked (thanks a lot Rich!) into a couple of meetings on economic development and the SBA. One of the things I have found is that so called “visioning” exercises and “how to save XYZ” sound and look the same year after year. That may be why the groups involved are usually either state funded or made up of college students from the business departments of the universities. Maybe I am just getting old and jaded.

I also had to sign some paperwork and take care of some other misc. business before rushing off to a late meeting with one of the poobahs of a certain political party. It is almost a certainty that I will be running for a partisan office next November after the meeting. Given that the primary is in late March, I am probably going to have to announce my candidacy and start acting like a candidate by early December (i.e. in 30 days or so). More later.

I also got more proof that this is a small town today. I got a call from a local fiber optic provider’s offices “just to let me know that the utility locate service had been notified to come and mark the path for the new fiber strand to your house.” Pretty standard, but the young lady continued on that she “just knew that Molly would be excited and she wanted to make sure that Molly was OK with it.” Nothing like the people you do business with knowing the name of your pet and being concerned about them as well. I can guarantee that there isn’t a single QWest (the local baby bell) representative that could even tell you my real name, let alone the name of my dog. Is it any wonder they are getting their lunch handed to them in this area?

Tomorrow I am honored with an opportunity to eat well. No rubber chicken or other such foods. One of the inmates from the speech class that I spoke on public speaking to was evidently much impressed. He chose me to be his invited guest at the culinary arts program’s graduation / 5-star demonstration meal. Since the inmate-graduates only get one invite to give, it means that either the inmate has no family or friends capable of getting clearance into the prison or that I am displacing them. It will be interesting to see what the menu is. Given some of the events the program caters in the community, I already know they can make some pretty tasty food. But this is their chance to go all out and shine, so i expect it to be very interesting. I’d take pictures, but electronics and other such things are verboten inside the gates of the prison.

Time to get on with the duties of the evening – Molly wants her head rubbed *right now*.

4-h, rube goldberg, sunday

Sunday Going Down

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Tonight it was time to attend the annual 4-H awards banquet. I took my MIL as my guest and we had a good time, especially comparing notes to see it either of us could figure out why we thought we knew this person or that person. It is always interesting to see the kids who are doing the right stuff and working hard at it reaping the recognition and rewards they deserve.

Before the dinner, I spent much of the afternoon with my head in the innards of the partially disassembled clothes dryer isolating which part(s) needed to be replaced. Once the trouble shooting was done, it was time to order the parts so that maybe by next weekend I would have a working dryer.  (You might remember I reported on the issue when it was breaking news last weekend here.)

There is, of course, a corollary to the “fix the dryer” saga, and that is the “dry the clothes” saga. Tonight I washed a load and it was too dark to hang them outdoors, so I used my mad skillz and rigged an indoor clothesline in the family room.  So the view in the family room is a bit different for the nonce, looking like this:

 
Now I ask you, with my stupendous sock removal tool and now this indoor clothesline, is there any problem I can’t tackle? The ceiling fans even supply the gentle breezes needed for fine drying! (Both mom and MIL offered the use of their dryers, but for one load late at night, it is easier to emulate Rube Goldberg.)
Time to head for bed; tomorrow is yet another day.
halloween

A Ghoulish Goodnight to All

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Happy Halloween!

The turnout here tonight was lighter than in previous years. I suspect that the weather and the earlier events coupled with a Saturday date cut down on the crowds. I also have a suspicion that the Saturday date led to a lot more parties hosted by moms and dads. What makes it strange is that after the blizzard of Thursday/Friday, the warm winds have already melted all the snow and it is still warm out this evening. Most years it is damp and freezing on Halloween, sometimes snowing and icy. Of course, some years it in the 60s and dry too.

I had 33 little tricksters tonight, compared to last years tally of 45. One of the things I noticed was a paucity of male tricksters. Out of the 33 tricksters, only 8 of them were male. Usually it is close a 50/50 mix. I wonder if the fact that there were four good college football games and a World Series game tonight had anything to do with the lack of male tricksters? I know it certainly seemed to skew the number of dads versus the number of moms doing escort duty tonight.

I had a little charmer and his sister show up late. He might have been 4 and his sister was probably 2+. He wanted to know if I had any kids and I told him that the son was off to a college party. So then he wanted to know if I wanted some kids to come play with me, ’cause he and his sister would be happy to. His sister just stood quaking in fear of my flashing hat and nodding when I asked her if she wanted a treat. Their dad was cracking up out on the curb, trying not to laugh too loud. I think they may be from down the street a bit. He thanked me as they walked off and you could hear the smile in his voice.

I answered the door wearing the Son’s old Mickey Mouse Wizard hat with flashing lights. The fact that it makes me look to be eight feet tall was a bit much for some of the kids. It was a real hit with the 5-8 year old crowd, a bit scary for the 3-5 crowd, and ignored entirely in favor of examining the loot by the 8-12 year old crowd. It was neat to hear the kids comments as they walked away. The only teens I saw this year were older siblings escorting the youngsters. They were amazingly polite and said no thank you to offers of a treat for them as well. Is the younger generation suddenly turning more polite or is this an anomalous data point?

Tomorrow is the start date for NaBloPoMo – National Blog Posting Month. The goal is to post a blog entry every day for 30 days. I did it last year and figured why not give it a go this year as well. It can be fun and if you sign up and actually post everyday, you are eligible for prizes. Check out the NaBloPoMo site for details.

Time to go bag up some treats to give to L and the son (and so I won’t snarf them).